A Titan Perspective- Inside Eren's head
by kaileylexiteresa
Summary: In order to become a monster, Eren has to lose his humanity. But during his transformation, does he lose his mind as well? This OneShot provides insight to Eren's cognition as he struggles to regain consciousness inside his titan form. Adapted from episode 12 of Attack on Titan, as Eren incapacitates himself before reaching the boulder to reseal Wall Rose.


***Implicit spoiler alert!* This is a little sumthin sumthin that I spontaneously wrote in one sitting. It derives from episode 12 of ****_Attack on Titan_****, when Eren is unconscious in his Titan form, slumped over before reaching the boulder to reseal the wall. It's from Eren's perspective inside the Titan body. I thought it would be interesting to get inside Eren's head (no pun intended) when he's in Titan form.**

**This'll probably sound best if you read it slowly, with pauses at every sentence break. That's how it sounded in my head when I wrote it. Enjoy!  
****~Kailey**

I can't move. I can't see. There is no sound. Everything is a vacuum around me. Am I dead?

I'm floating.

The feeling of constant nothingness unsettles me, yet calms me. For the first time in years, everything is unconditionally peaceful.

Quiet.

Where am I? How did I get here? I struggle to collect my thoughts, but no coherence emerges. I desperately strain and search in the recesses of my mind to access any memory, awaken any sense.

Then I stop. The quiet is so seductive, beckoning me. I want to drown myself in the silence, to fully immerse in a forever peaceful life and never resurface.

When was the last time I had been blessed with this kind of quiet bliss? I've forgotten what it feels like to rest.

The horrors of my past...the things I saw...the things I did...it's too much for any one person to bear.

_Of my past_…am I remembering something?

My thoughts are muddled, jumbled, distant. But I can feel the haze lifting in my mind as my consciousness beats back the quiet's grip on me. I begin to see faded images, reeling and stopping and starting with such overwhelming frequency, I can hardly make sense of them. Sounds form in my ears and gradually increase in volume. Humming turns to buzzing, then to a roar. Voices? The quiet, once holding me in a tight embrace—loving yet suffocating—now loosens its hold.

A simple bronze key on a chain.

Detached sounds of agonized screaming.

Mikasa's terrified eyes hovering inches from mine, widened with fear.

My left arm, and my damaged left sleeve.

A cannon shell hurtling towards me in a maelstrom of smoke.

My father's eyes shining, tears spilling down his cheeks.

A body of salt water so deep you can't see the bottom.

My mother's body being ripped apart in the hands of a titan.

And finally, Armin's shrill cry, begging me to wake up so I can avenge my mother's murder. It pierces through the quiet at such a pitch, my ears ring and I am thrown back into consciousness.

It's too much to bear. This grief, this guilt, this confusion, and this sheer rage are incomparably heavy burdens. One can only endure so much before buckling under the weight of it all.

So heavy.

_Heavy_.

My body is growing heavier, gaining substance, forming mass within this empty vacuum. I descend, and feel myself materializing. My tissue reunites with bone and ligament, and I hear my heart throbbing in my temples.

But my limbs are locked, immovable.

Panic floods my veins now. What was once so peaceful, so inviting about the quiet instantly disappears.

My eyes snap open, but instead of observing my surroundings and allowing me to see my vacuous prison, they take in more puzzling images.

An unfathomably enormous hole in Wall Rose. A vertical tower of red smoke. A massive boulder lying on the ground untouched, so perfect.

Perfect for _what_?

I am awakening, but still unaware of my location. Why am I seeing this scene? I have no recollection of these objects. Unlike before, the images aren't flashing or fading away instantaneously. I try to move, unsuccessfully. My memories may have abandoned me, but I recognize something: a motivation deep inside my soul. A task, an objective. Somehow I realize the fact that I need to get to this boulder. I know it's urgent.

My eyes are fixed forward. I try looking down at my body, but the picture of the boulder and the smoke moves instead. It doesn't fade. With laborious strides, I force myself up to a standing position.

_So heavy_.

It takes more effort than usual. I still can't see my body, but I ignore everything and focus all of my energy on accomplishing my goal. The picture has changed since I started moving. My field of vision seems detached from my body; I see high over the rooftops of Trost, and for dozens of kilometers farther than I could ever see before. But the boulder and the damaged wall still occupy the center of my focus.

I make my way towards the boulder in a dreamlike state. It seems as though I'm not moving my legs, but rather they are acting of their own volition—working to meet the task that has now filled my entire being: reaching the monstrous boulder. Each step is heavy, sinking down into the cobblestones of the street below, accompanied by booms of thunder.

Then, I have a revelation.

It comes into my mind suddenly, unreservedly.

As I walk, one thought runs through me, snaking into my mind, my heart, my body and my very soul, propelling me forward:

_We're born free. Every last one of us._

**I was inspired by Bryce Papenbrook's phenomenal acting in this scene. Yes, he's Eren of the FUNimation English dub. I found that Bryce really captured Eren's confusion in this scene, and he made every word sound laborious and strained, which is something I wanted to tap into while writing this. (Disclaimer: I watched ****AoT**** subbed before proceeding to watch it dubbed, and I'm not saying one is better than the other. So please don't start any sub vs dub wars! I'm just sharing where my inspiration came from.)**


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